Attachment Parenting: a new way of keeping women barefoot and pregnant?

Instead of fight against employers who don't want them or husbands who force their wives to stay home, modern women have two enemies to fight; their own irrational fears and other women's criticism.

Not so sure this is an either/or. In other words, I think you've got all FOUR of those at work (and tangentially, often not so much men "forcing" western women at this point as exerting subtler pressures).

That said, interesting post here, Brooke. You and Becca, actually, could have a chat about this sometime, big time.

To be completely honest, I would want to raise my theoretical kids like that--or at least the no-processed-foods/spend-time-with-the-kids angle, but in this society, it's not a feasible option for a couple--prices go up and up while middle class wages remain stagnant. It could work better in a group---I could totally take some fresh organic vegetables from a local farmer and prepare them for babyfood before heading off to work or something.

I think many of these modern conveniences come with a price--processed foods (icky harmful chemicals!), inexpensive clothing (sweatshops!), nice houses in charming neighborhoods (eminent domain!), et cetera et cetera.....

Even public schools are worthy of criticism--you know how the PSSA's (and other standardized tests) have affected education in this country.

I think that this emphasis on two-parent "this is our family" society structure is a little passé. If there was more emphasis on community, it would work.

First off, great topic. I'm definitely going to read up on this AP thing, I had no idea.

I was raised in cloth diapers and breastfed until I was 2 and an half, and my mom had me go veg a few times when I was little, but some of this does seem a bit much. I totally think there is a big difference between spending lots of quality time bonding with your baby and the extreme AP women stuck in the kitchen.

But if I think about it again, it is her choice. Maybe being able to be with baby all the time is liberating to her. Adrienne brings up a good point as well, the nuclear family is on its way out in modern child-rearing techniques. Thanks for the post! I'm interested to find out more.

"As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world." —Virginia Woolf

Just a historical aside- historically, coroner reports attest that women over-roll infants as well as men, arguing that the infant would be safer near the lightest sleeper, rather than simply a woman.

Contre tout le monde, je me defendrai...je suis le dernier homme, je le resterai jusqu'au bout! Je ne capitule pas!
- Ionesco, Le Rhinoceros

Adrienne, I think you raise a good point, it is extremely hard in a nuclear family situation to raise children, espeically in an ethical way. Some of our conviences have come at a cost. Yet, more and more healthy food is being sold in even the most backwoods locations, cheap clothing that is ethically made can be bought online, at goodwill or at consignment shops at lower prices, old homes can be re-done with ease thanks to DIY stores and materials. When you have children, you could also consider moving to an intential community, where food is grown on site and there is often a homeschool set up. I think the most important thing is that although we can say "o I want to do this this and this" we don't critize women who don't agree or can't do those things. Nor do we feel guilty for not being able to always be perfect mothers or wives.

Thank you for daring to point out the feminist downside of AP.

There's a feminist downside for fathers as well -- the constraints of breastfeeding combine with the other AP dogmas to shove fathers into traditional "good provider" role. The AP literature is quite harsh towards men who want to be equal co-parents, implying that they are selfishly concerned with their own feelings over the good of their child.

One sad part of this is that like most new parents, the people deciding to do AP don't know quite what they're getting into. I've been amazed to watch my most pro-feminist friends get turned into Ward Cleaver because they as a couple (or worse, only Mom) decided to practice AP. So much for art and music and work at non-profits -- Hubby has to get a corporate job, since he's the sole breadwinner now.

Dear Brooke,

I would like to know the basis of your research as many of your points are a complete over exaggeration and misrepresentation of attachment parenting. If you take a look at tribal cultures you won’t see today’s book educated parents but rather parents acting by instinct which essentially is what AP is about.
[i]Attachment Parenting is a philosophy based in the practice of nurturing parenting practices that create strong emotional bonds, also known as secure attachment, between the infant and parent(s). This style of parenting encourages responsiveness to the infant or child's emotional needs, and develops trust that their emotional needs will be met. As a result, this strong attachment helps the child develop secure, empathic, peaceful, and enduring relationships.[/i]

Dr Sears began using the term attachment parenting 25yrs ago but didn't develop the history behind the philosophy, it has been something evident in our culture for many years gone by; Dr sears simply come up with a name for it after watching many parents parenting in a natural, loving manner.

To say that feminism is about choice and then knock your fellow mothers who choose to stay home to care for their children regardless of how they parent, is that really portraying choice IMO it isn't, it is judging what they 'should' be doing to fit into societies mould of the 'norm' there are huge connotations by suggesting that simply parenting in the way that feels right isn't feminist but instead social conditioning. Many parents’ mothers and fathers alike make educated and calculated decisions when it comes to their children, if one parent will stay home to care for the children sometimes making financial sacrifices to have the benefit and privilege to be home helping their children develop and educating them for the wide world that lies ahead. Don't under value the decisions that many families today face when deciding to bring children into this world and the many decisions that are made for the good of the entire family.

I consider our family to be an attachment parenting family and in actuality we are Instinctual parents following what we feel is right not what some book says our steps are to successful parenting, my husband and I share the workload of raising our sons. Just because my husband works while I care for our young children this doesn't make me any less of a feminist woman in today’s society it is MY right to choose to leave the workforce to care for my sons until they are of an age for my husband to work from home to be here for them. This decision was never taken lightly and we decided long before having children how we would raise our children but we are still learning everyday based on their individual needs; breastfeeding is the best source of nutrition for any infant and my husband has not once felt outed because of the research he has done to know there is no other adequate start to life for our boys and it is much more then just a food source too but for now that is all our youngest son at 6months needs to grow and develop healthily. My husband values the many things he loves doing with our sons and how our almost 3yo rushes to the door and has done since he could crawl the moment he realises daddy is coming home. Parenting by instincts doesn't mean either of us has to miss out on anything but instead gain much more by respecting and trusting our children as well as listening to their needs?

Before you dismiss anything do the adequate research as based on this blog post alone this isn't a very informed representation of what attachment parenting really is!

Signed Laura
FWIW Highly educated/intelligent feminist and mother to 2 gorgeous boys!

I woke up with this thought in my head, but since I did, thought I'd leave it, because it made me curious.

I woke up wondering if the same analysis would apply to lesbian families using AP (in other words, when you remove "husbands" from the equation and exchange it with partners), or lesbian families where one partner is a SAHM?

In other words, for you, is this about an issue with AP specifically, or about an issue of AP in the framework of heteronormative dynamics, heteronormative culture and/or heterosexual relationships specifically?

I think im pretty fortunate to have a few online businesses that do well enough for me to stay home as well as other business that I can run from home most of the time. A friend of mine was having marital problems asking me how do i save my marriage and i told him lets figure out what you can do to make some money from home and be around more often with the kids, i think if everyone has the drive to work for them selves it makes being married so much easier for both the husband and wife. It takes about 1-2 years to really build up a business but it's possible and anyone can do it.