Charleigh

I have heretofore not discussed my sexuality or preferences , etc. I recently have come out of my shell and realized that yes, women are beautiful and I would like to date them too, however I agree with Dr. Kinsey in his studies where most people fall somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum Hetero/Homo. I think men are beautiful too, which lead to the above "trouble."
This past week I had a beautiful night of passion with a wonderful man friend of mine. We live in different states and accept the terms of what we have to offer each other, always a kind ear, we are both combat veterans which is a bond that is hard to come by.We're also both "queer" or "bi" so it's funny we ended up in this situation. I went to visit his area on business and things heated up. It went from the strongest most nurturing hugs and cuddling to well, something more steamy and passionate. It slipped, some of you girls/women already know what I'm talking about, the dreaded condom slip. Normally I use my nuva ring birth control almost religiously but alas healthcare and pharmacy through the VA ( department of Veterans Affairs) is slow and mostly late or ineffective.

So as you can tell my my new profile update a LOT has changed since my last blog post. Well really, my insides have not changed, but I found a different voice, a strong voice and came out and started to speak out about my experiences in the military. This "enlightenment" our "outlet", as I think of it has become one of the things I draw my greatest strength from, but suffer my deepest sadness from sharing.
I blog here under a different name because originally I was scared of the military finding out that I was giving them any negative press. BUT.....Fuck them anyway. Not the people though, just the system in which they are just cogs in the greater machine of oppression, greed, and capitol. That said... I can get on with the boys club reference.

Dr. Mary Walker was an unconventional woman. She was a proponent of women's rights and dress reform -- especially the wearing of "Bloomers" which didn't enjoy wide currency until the sport of bicycling became popular. In 1855 became one of the earliest female physicians upon graduation from Syracuse Medical College. She married Albert Miller, a fellow student, in a ceremony that did not include a promise to obey; she did not take his name, and to her wedding wore trousers and a dress-coat. Neither the marriage nor their joint medical practice lasted long.

At the start of the Civil War, Dr. Mary Edwards Walker volunteered with the Union Army and adopted men's clothing. She was at first not allowed to work as a physician, but as a nurse and as a spy. She finally won a commission as an army surgeon in the Army of the Cumberland, 1862. While treating civilians, she was taken prisoner by the Confederates and was imprisoned for four months until she was released in a prisoner exchange.

I wanted to share some stories with everyone. I have been doing a lot of research as of late on rape/sexual harassment/assault in the military. A lot of the statistics are hard to find, probably something swept under the rug for a while.75-85% of accused rapists get HONORABLY discharged. Anyway. I was talking/ranting with some of the other women that I work with about harassment, and how the cases of rape/assault in deployed areas are staggering and underreported. We’re scared of our soldiers when we’re fighting for our country? That doesn’t make sense, but it can be true.

Almost every woman I work with has been harassed in some form in her military career. During my first deployment to Iraq my HGFL (Home Girl for Life), Lewy woke up to a man standing over her bed. (After she found shorts, she chased him with a 9mm, too bad she didn’t catch him.) Turns out he was this creep I told to eff-off at the gym. He must have followed us to our building. (I never liked when he was near us, he stared up my shorts when I was benching, all creepy-weirdo like.) She reported it, and since he never actually touched her, NOTHING happened. Our commander (A civilian sex crimes Detective) tried to explain the importance of him getting brought up on charges to the upper echelons, but notta. I think towards the end of the tour they caught him walking in on more female soldiers and he had to be permanently escorted by 2 guards, and his weapons got taken away. Whether or not he was punished under UCMJ, I have no idea. I am going to put that on the list of “Reasons Why I Will NEVER Re-Enlist.”

Oh my goodness, I have been such a bad girl. No blogging. I've been deployed again with the Army, this time to the Horn of Africa. I went around Djibouti and did assessments of Clinics and Medical facilities with my civil affairs team. Very interesting. I thought I should share.
During an assessment in Asse Gayla, I came across a large public service poster in french that read "Stop female genital mutilation." I was so taken aback I had to ask about it. I was horrified that the doctors I was meeting with could perform such horrible, oppressive, non cunt lovin' surgery. To the men on my team this was not an important issue.

Since the activist community is full of people who care deeply about war and are generally more enlightened than the average slug with a gun, I find myself between a rock and a hard place. I can't find alot of support INSIDE the military, the mere thought of rallying could get me in alot of trouble. But when I turn to an activist community people are anti-war and don't really want to support my learning other ways of waging it. But I leave you with this thought, imagine an infantry of women. Generally more compassionate, less willing to destroy everything, and negotiate. Less ego, more things done.

I have been reluctant to talk about anything thus far having to do with my miltary career. I feel as though I will be judged among activists, personally. I will ask kindly before you read this please don't judge. I'm not a war monger, I don't want to kill anyone, and I certainly am not responsible for the suffering of any other human being. That being said. Here I go.

While in Baghdad, Iraq I served as a machine gunner.I've been on over 300 missions in a combat sector aka "front lines." I've been shot at, mortared and scared shitless for my life. I've endured the loss of friends, didn't see my family for most of two years, and it all happened because I am a soldier. And a damn good one at that.

When I was young and started to develop breasts, i was just angry because i had to tape them down and put them in a sports bra so i wouldn't get hurt playing football. My cousins would get jealous and angry because I was developing faster, but was reluctant to show ANYONE.

I was always too shy, or scared of being called nasty names to actually wear something that would show a female figure. I lived in oversized Jnco jeans and t-shirts with every band I've ever liked on them. I remember a popular girl walking past my locker saying "she would be so pretty if she didn't dress like such a freak".

I’ve known since I hopped out of my New Kids on the Block sleeping bag that I was that dirty word…feminist. I just always didn’t know there was a specific term for my mindset. What can I say, I like being treated like a human being not like societies door prize for men. I ran around in fourth grade with a notebook that said HERstory, not history. I guess I was ahead of my time. I realized that all the stories in my text books were about men, and women were almost completely knocked out of context save for their “supporting roles” in what the male penholders wanted to write. I made it a point to learn about outstanding women and with the help of my mother, every biography report I ever had to write for social studies were about women like Clara Barton, Helen Keller, and Dr. Mary Edwards Walker. (For example)