Charlotta

This is an article about the personal experiences of the author at a liberal arts college in Minnesota. It was especially meaningful to me because I am a student at a liberal arts college, and I see many of the things the author discusses in my own academic environment.

It’s a delicate thing, coming to the moment when you realize that your perceptions do count and that your writing can encompass them. You begin to understand how quiet, how subtle the writer’s authority really is, how little it has to do with “authority” as we usually use the word.

It was my mom's second wedding a few weeks ago. I came home to see it, and although I didn't have a formal part, I was still present for all the nitty-gritty prep. Including the chit-chat among the women as they got ready for the wedding. My new stepsister is younger than me, and she's still really insecure about her appearance and how she views herself and fuctions in the world. A lot of it stems from her appearance--she doesn't see herself as pretty, even though I think she is. My mom and my aunt were talking about it, and my aunt said something that I am still having trouble fathoming/processing.

*Disclaimer: This may be jarring to read--it discusses my experience as a concentration camp in Germany.

I just came back from a visit to a concentration camp in Northern Germany. It was the second one I've been to, but we had a guided tour which really changed how I saw the camp. It never gets easy to go to a place like a camp, but today felt different. The camp itself was stark--it had been a prison after it was a camp, and now it served as a memorial.

There were fields of lush grass spotted with dandelions, and I thought they were pretty, until our guide started describing how corpses were burned in the camp's crematorium and the ashes were spread for fertilizer.

http://www.supremecourtus.gov/opinions/06pdf/05-380.pdf

Today the Supreme Court of the US in a 5-4 ruling upheld the ban on partial birth abortion, despite the lack of a provision that allowed for the life of the mother to override the ban. It's being greeted by anger or elation, depending on your affiliation, and is seen as another step on the slippery slope of abortion rights in the United States.

What do you all think about it? (If you don't want to read the whole thing, the dissent at the bottom by Ginsberg is definitely worth reading.)

Apologies for not posting this yeterday-things have been crazy here. That's not a good excuse, but I am sorry.

Aung San Suu Kyi. Ever since I read about this woman several years ago, I have been inspired by her story. Does the name ring any bells? She's the 1991 Nobel Peace Prize Winner. Democratically elected leader of Burma from 1990. Remarkable woman.

She is the leader of the National League for Democracy Party of Burma, which is the opposition party to Burma's military regime. She has been under house arrest periodically since the late 1980s, primarily because she poses such a threat to the military regime in power. The military junta has remained in power since 1988, where they seized power despite her successful election.

Something I've been noticing more and more in my classes is how different men and women act when answering questions. I can't count, in the past 3 years of college, how many girls preface every question, statement, argument, whatever, with an apology. "This is probably stupid/this is probably naive/You'll probably think I don't know what I'm talkin about, but..." It's so frustrating! The majority of the time, the women say some pretty good, thought-provoking things or questions. Why do they feel the need to apologize for them? It seems like they're afraid of being wrong or dismissed, so they dismiss themselves before anyone else does. I have never heard a man apologize for speaking in class, regardless of how inane or profound the comment. It's frustrating, because I have never once apologized for speaking up in class, and I have faced a lot of ostracism and ridicule for it. While I don't necessarily think it's other women's fault for setting a precedent where I am expected to apologize for what I say or what I think, I wonder about a society and a college culture where it's not okay for a woman to say what she believes without apologizing first.

Hej!
I'm looking forward to being around here more-I'm in Denmark for the semester, and it's been an interesting time. I'm learning more about authentic Danishness, and I've had some face-to-face confrontations with it, including one that I'm writing this blog about. :)

I was at a dinner party last weekend, all women just having dinner and drinking wine and eating together. It was a nice evening. We were having a conversation, and sex came up. The women were all extremely candid, speaking openly about sex, and it was interesting to me. Primarily because it was focused around women's pleasure. In other words, the conversation wasn't solely about what you can do for your partner, but about how frustrating it can be when your needs don't get met. All the women were heterosexual, so all the partners they talked about were male, but I could see the contrast between me and my own friends immediately. I can rarely remember a conversation about sex that was woman-centric. I think to a large extent it's a cultural difference. Me and my friends were never raised with any conception that healthy sexual activity where pleasure was given and received was something we should expect, much less demand. Most of the women I have met here don't think that way.

I'm in Denmark now for five months for a semester of study abroad. It's been great so far, quite a change but an exciting one. As I begin to settle in a bit more, one of the things I'm noticing more and more is the attitude that Danes seem to take towards sex as opposed to America and the traditions of America I am accustomed to. In my program, they provide free condoms, and they made it very clear that they acknowledge that sex has happened in the past and will happen in the future, and they would rather it was performed safely rather than with a hope and a prayer that lack of protection would work. It's so different, and almost refreshing to be in a population that speaks of sex candidly, and isn't afraid to embrace it.

Wow, it has been a long time since I have had the opportunity to write in this, or really to communicate and participate in this community. It's been too long actually. I've had a really interesting semester, having the opportunity to better understand myself and my participation in a lot of activities and organizations. The one thing I can think of that sums up how I have felt about my semester is a Dorothy Day quote: "Our problems stem from our acceptance of this filthy rotten system." I've been thinking about it in the context of my university, but I have begun to realize that it really describes all of the work that I do.

I was at a conference in Washington D.C. this past weekend, doing a presentation about leadership with two women I work with at our university. We started with talking about stereotypes of leadership, then moved into discussion about famous leaders. We asked people to yell names out, and we got the usual subjects. "FDR!" "Nelson Mandela!" "Malcolm X!" "George W. Bush!" Last one aside, I can understand why the people mentioned came to mind-they're great, inspiring, inspirational men . I eventually said to the group, "I'm a little upset about the gender slant we have here-aren't there any female leaders anyone can think of?" And the responses included Oprah, Evita Peron (isn't it really Eva? I thought the Madonna movie made it 'Evita'), Mother Theresa. And that was all. And I couldn't help but think that I am failing, that feminism is failing, that our educational system is failing women.

I'm watching 'Parental Control' on MTV right now...and it's making me pretty sick. I don't know if anyone has ever seen that show, but the basic premise is that someone's parents don't like their partner, so they choose two other people to date their child, and the people they choose compete with each other and the current partner to "win" the child's heart.

First of all, I hate the show because of the fake way that the people speak to one another-every line feels scripted.

More importantly, I HATE the way the women act on this show. They call each other slut, whore, bitch with incredibly casual attitudes. Don't they realize that calling another woman a whore, a slut, a bitch undermines almost all the movement we as a group have made towards liberation from being labeled solely on the basis of our sexuality, whether real or imagined?

The title is pretty self-explanatory. I've been struggling a lot with what I want to do, what I'm capable of doing, what my purpose in this world is. Today a friend told me that I have no concrete truths. I was a little confused and hurt initially-was she accusing me of lying? But when she explained what she meant, I realized that maybe she was right. I never quite know exactly what I want out of life, or what I can do in this life, but when I speak of these things to others, I speak with a certainty that belies my personal doubt.

For the past 2.5 years, I've been on this path pushing me towards grad school and law school-it was what I thought I wanted, but I'm not so sure. I used to go through these periodic bouts of insecurity and questioning, but now, I am consistently fairly certain that what I thought I wanted to do isn't what I'm meant to do.

Safe Spaces, Part One.

This past week we held my school’s annual event where we discuss sexual violence, using testimony, music, dance, poetry, skits and other things to express our feelings and personal experiences with sexual violence, assault, rape, and our culture. Usually I am scared of those sorts of events, scared because of what I might hear, and intimidated by the vulnerability that those who choose to speak display. But I went, and I chose to speak a piece written by Heather (--it was extremely well received!!!) excerpted from her journal, and discussing the culture we live in and how rapists are created and protected within it. I was scared to read it. I don’t know if some of the experiences I have had could be classified as sexual assault (certainly not rape), but my voice trembled as I saw myself in some of the women that did speak.

So I have a confession to make. I love clothing and shoes and gadgetry. I love the feeling I get when I buy those things. Why am I choosing to talk about that in this context? Because I pair my adoration for material things with the utter inability to figure out anything financial. And I don't think that I am the only woman to feel this way. I think I have, to a large degree, been socialized into thinking that girls don't need to worry about money, shouldn't trouble their pretty (expensively attired) selves about such indelicate matters. And it's put me at a distinct disadvantage.

When I was getting a car, I didn't know anything about them. I knew I wanted one that I could listen to music on, was big enough for me and my stuff, and wasn't too ugly. I wanted one that I wouldn't be ashamed to drive. Of course, I brought my grandfather with me to look at them, since he would know things to ask about the car, like, "How many miles per gallon does it get" and "What are interest rates on loans?" and so on. Eventually, we bought the car he picked out. But since I don't know anything about loans or credit or how to pay things back, my grandparents paid for it. I played my part to the hilt, asking profound questions like, "Does this come in pink?" and "How do you open the gas tank?" I could tell that the salespeople were thinking, "Typical woman/girl." But I couldn't help it.

Check out this NYTimes article

First off-I have missed you all! I'm so glad to be back here and able to be posting. :-)

This article was so interesting to me, because it seemed to finally validate what so many women (and women within the feminist movement!) have known and attempted to make clear for so long-when women aren't present in the higher ranks of academia, especially in the science fields, it isn't because of innate inability or those reasons so commonly cited-like women's lack of ambition or drive, or the fact that women put family first. Rather, there is data that actually prove discrimination is prevalent within academic institutions, and that discrimination manifests itself in subtle but very real barriers to women's achievement. The article offers as examples of barriers: unconscious but pervasive bias, “arbitrary and subjective” evaluation processes, and a work environment in which “anyone lacking the work and family support traditionally provided by a ‘wife’ is at a serious disadvantage.”