What I Wear

As the type of girl who doesn't wear any makeup and most of the time is in pj pants, a tee shirt and no bra...I'm wondering how you think that wearing certain clothing helps your self-esteem? Personally my own self-esteem mostly comes from the inside out, what I have achieved, not how I look. Although I get how for some people wearing certain clothes in like a representation of the comfort level they have achieved with their own bodies and is like a personal expression of who they are.

I think I understand what you're saying about wearing clothes that boost your self-esteem. For me, when i wear something that fits well and makes me think I look better than normal, I tend to have a better outlook on the day. Not an overall enhancement of my self-esteem per se, but I think it changes how you relate to your body. that being said, I don't think that for me it comes from thinking of how other people will react to it.

I think it's always worth thinking about the difference between what self-esteem is and what external validation is, and how they are -- and are not -- related for us (and when they are, why they are, especially as women).

In other words, when thinking about how one presents, for instance, or what one wears, are we comfortable in our own skin and clothing, do we feel good about our whole selves and bodies in those things -- whatever they are -- in the same ways when we are alone, in the privacy of our own homes, as we do when we are in public? Do they do the same things for us, or different things? If what we feel good in in the outside world which nets a positive reaction, or a form of validation, would we feel differently if the opposite were so? And if so, would we still want to present the same way alone, or not?

I like the way that Heather approaches the subject - "do we feel good about our whole selves and bodies in [those] things -- whatever they are -- in the same ways when we are alone, in the privacy of our own homes, as we do when we are in public?"

I always wear exactly what I want to - be it a low cut shirt that I am thumb-grip and pulling up all day, a turtle neck and zip up jacket, a short skirt that renders me incapable of going up stairs, picking anything up that I've dropped etc., or one that hits the floor and gathers nature -

Ultimately what I remind myself of is this: women are made to feel that its not for our own enjoyment to look sexy - that our looking "attractive" or "provocative" is for the attention of others. When in my personal experience I derive more joy by looking at myself in the mirror and being *comfortable* and *liking* what I see (be it fish-net stockings or hot pink leg warmers) than when other people start staring, honking, yelping or giving me their un-needed and un-asked for input and as frusturating or annoying as that is, its not my fault that they feel it at all nessicary to give me their input either way. As long as my attitude is one or the other - "You like what you see? Good for you! Go ahead and do it yerself!" or "You don't like it? To bad! Luckily for you, you don't have to wear it!" that is a clear sign to me that what I wear isn't because of outside influence but because it makes me happy.

What I'm trying to get across is; I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look attractive as long as it is because *YOU* like it that way & *YOU* feel comfortable. Obviously, sometimes I'll put on a shirt that I like that makes me feel comfortable and for the sake of "style" or "look'n good" I'll wear matchign high heels that give me blisters and bruises and in that case I think its gone past what I like and into the "attention of others" field.

I would just weigh it out - what's realistic? What feels right? What is *you*? Sorry to ramble - my brain is on blend ;D

"What gets us in trouble is not what we don't know.
It's what we know for sure that just ain't so." - Mark Twain