Boy things, Girl things
Now that the summer is here (apparently... I havnt even been able to wear shorts yet!) I have been madly working 3 jobs to save up so I can get out of here next year and on that (oh so long awaited) plane to Vancouver. One of those jobs, which is my very favourite, is nannying for three awesome little children, two little girls ,Molly (4) and Frances (2), and the baby boy Darcy (9 months). I have been there for over a month now, and I love those kids, I have known their parents for years and so they already knew me before I started and they are just such a cool family.
There were a couple of incidents that really have had me thinking over the past little while, and I was hoping to get some discussion on these things. The other day, I was dropping Molly off at kindergarten, I had little Frances and Darcy with me in their push chair. Earlier that day, Molly and Frances had been playing with a butterfly stamp, stamping each others hands, one of them (probably Frances!)put a stamp on Darcy's cheek just as we were running out the door to walk to kindergarten. We get in the gate to kindergarten when one of the other mothers stopped and told me he (Darcy) had something on his cheek, saying I should take it off soon because "its a butterfly and thats not a really good look on a little boy". She was not the first to say something like that whilst we were at kindergarten.
A couple of days later whilst at Frances' preschool this time, a couple of little boys were busy playing with a group of little girls, they were all playing with dolls, when the mother of one of the little boys took the dolls off of the boys and gave them trucks to play with saying "you are little boys not little girls, little girls play with dolls, dont they, you play with little boys things".
This got me thinking. At such a young age we are being taught that there are boy things and girl things, girl things ranging from baby dolls and domestic items like stoves etc to fake make up sets and high heel shoes, and boy things being the outside sport gear and trucks. I dont believe that there are "boy things" and "girl things", and having watched a few (dozen) of such incidents with the children, I am not at all surprised that we as women face so much opposition when we cross that border into a "mans territory".
Yes, this may seem obvious to you by now, as we all have seen these things and experienced them ourselves before. What bothers me is that even if we try to make a difference with our children, or the children we know, teaching them that there is no divide between them at such a young age, they are still going to be hit with this stuff everywhere they go. School, kindergarten, the park , the supermarket (so I found out when Darcy was wearing a T-shirt with pink on it and I had to hear a few bad comments about this) and there really is not a lot we can do to keep them away from this. Not untill we have the majority doing the same as us, which we all know too well is so damn hard to get.
I guess what bugs me with this, is that these things get burned into our brains before we have the ability to recognise that what we are being told by all these other people is so so wrong and before we can understand or see what they are really trying to do to us by making these divides, what they are trying to do to our future. Unfortunatly we end up seeing it all as we get older, as we try to get work etc. I think what has me so puzzled with this is that it was the mothers who tended to be the ones with the voice in those situations, and it is these mothers who could be making such a huge difference to our future as women, starting by changing what these kids are learning from so young. But they are not doing it. And that is just so so frustrating to me.
Thought Provoking
This post makes me think of a lot of instances where I've seen this happen-- and they aren't even instances like those that you describe, where people are explicitly making negative comments about anything that could breach gender norms.
I have two nephews and a niece. My niece is very "girly-girl" while the two boys generally conform to traditionally masculine gender roles. Their father told me that they had never forced the "girly-girl" stuff on my niece, that she had just picked it up on her own. However, I very much doubt it-- not that I think she was physically forced to wear pink and love princesses, but I'm sure she was encouraged, inside and outside of the home whenever she showed interest in those things-- whereas I am sure that my nephews were subtly discouraged any time that they displayed such an interest. My oldest nephew was given a silver football as a "naming" gift (secular Christening), while my niece had her ears pierced before she turned four.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently because the time has come to buy them Christmas presents again. Last year I bought the two boys handheld Batman games, while I bought my niece a Winnie the Pooh music box. I let myself do this because the Batman game was listed for "ages 7 and up," and my niece was only 4. I got her Winnie the Pooh instead of a Disney Princesses music box, because I thought it was gender neutral, but I can't kid myself too much: those gifts were very gendered. However, these kids HAVE been brought up in a gendered environment, and their tastes have been determined accordingly. With the holiday coming up again, I am not sure what to do...
(By the way, I don't want to say that I think my sister and her husband are bad parents-- they are great parents, their kids are some of the happiest kids you will ever see, and I don't think my niece is actually prevented from doing stuff because she is female-- she does all the same physical activities as her brothers-- she is into kid's surf lifesaving, and dirt bikes just like her brothers-- it's just that her dirt bike is hot pink :D)
Even with my parents, who certainly have no issues with boys choosing to do traditional "girl things" I noticed that there was a pretty heavy degree of gendering. My brother told me recently about how he had been a bit sad as a kid that he'd never gotten a Cabbage Patch Doll for Christmas-- my sister and I had two each, and he just wanted one boy doll. I think he probably would have gotten one if he'd made a bigger deal of it (I don't think this is the biggest disappointment of his life or anything), but the fact is that when my sister and I got our dolls for Christmas, my parents chose something else for him instead. One year, my sister and I both got high chairs for our dolls, but they both broke right out of the box. We took them back to the shop, and they only had one chair left to exchange, and I decided that I wanted a different present. After looking around a bit, I realised that what I actually wanted was a Tonka Truck, so that I could play with my brother, who already had one. My parents were fine with me wanting one, and I got it, but it's not something that would have ever been bought for me as a Christmas gift into which I had no input-- and it's probably not something I would have even thought to ask for. It was only mucking around with the truck in the store that made me realise that I wanted it.
I feel that gender roles
Are even WORSE for boys than for girls, at this point. It's acceptable for a woman to be a doctor or a lawyer, but it is still pretty unacceptable and "unmanly" for a guy to be a homemaker. Girls are allowed to be tomboys, but boys acting girly is simply horrible.
After awhile, it becomes enforced by peers rather than parents- you know, singling out a guy for acting "gay" and being a "dumbass" and all sorts of things.
Love and hugs,
Julia
I agree Julia, but the thing
I agree Julia, but the thing with that is that they are being taught at the same time that being a girl is a bad thing, somethign they do not want to become, which is really sad. Notice that when boys act like girls they are suddenly called names about them being inferior and such? That says a lot. And its really really sad.
Oh, agreed
To men, acting feminine is a pretty grave sin, which is pretty misogynistic. They have nearly inflexible gender rules that are pretty tight and keep both women and themselves down.
Love and hugs,
Julia
I so hear you here.
I so hear you here. Unfortunately for me I was one of those dorky kids who always wanted to horn in on what the adults were saying. Urgh ...which included alot of gender-specific crap. Since I was always caring for kids (siblings and friends) all my childhood/teenhood, I personally always noticed the similarities and thought the much talked about differences were exaggerated, esecially as far as little babes and little kids went. It always struck me as dishonest and lazy-minded the way people would say "boys are so/girls are so...fill in the blank". -- My mind would allways go to the male/female exceptions I knew of (and there was always at least one), to whatever people were absoluting about. Plus I noticed boys almost always were made out to have the more interesting characteristics, or the more extreme or pronounced characteristic, talent, problem --whatever-- even if it were usually a "feminine" characteristic. It seemed to me like boys were made out to be more interesting, period. Always "more" in some way. I hope if I ever have kids they'll be the kind who think adults are boring, that's probably a kid's best bet. But of course either way this wouldn't stop the fact that people w/their preconceived notions often treat/socialize boys one way, and girls another. It's disheartening. It's really heartbreaking for both boys and girls I think. Both are made to sacrifice their uniqueness. I can think of so many instances where I've seen overt or subtle emotional abuse acted out on boys and girls alike due to a way they were acting or playing that wasn't "boy" or "girl"- ish and it was disturbing a grownup. I think it harms both genders badly. The way little boys are encouraged to be boy-ish and often ignore or shun little girls--I've seen this alot. Anyways, then we wonder why many men can't think of women as humans first and foremost. It's like little boys are are too often seen as un-macho if they associate w/girls on a friend-to-friend level, even when they're little. Also I notice this *TOO MUCH*--parents really sexualizing their kids, I think, paranoid they won't be heterosexual?, from a young age. It's like "ah you have a girl/boyfriend!" and the kid is like two. When will we ever escape this boring deja vu? ;P
Nice blog. :)
for one of my job's...
I work at a popular birthday party place for kids, and by kids I mean girls (there was once a birthday boy, but only because his twin sister was allowed to pick their birthday party place).
Honestly just by existing it is feeding into the gendering idea that "little girls are like this" because we play dress up and have a fashion show and all that and I don't really want to get into the politics of working at the place and the place existing and whatnot BUT it offers a really interesting opportunity to watch parents encouraging or discouraging 'girl'ness or 'boy'ness.
We have loads of girly stuff and a small amount of dude stuff (hats, jackets, ties, sheilds, swords, etc) and as employees we don't care which kids take what and let the parents step in if they feel it's inappropriate.
Every now and again you get the parents who are not tied down to gender norms and they don't care if their daughter wants to carry a sword and their son wants to wear a feather boa (we had one awesome four year old boy who wanted a boa, purse, necklace, high heels, and eyeshadow, but poo-poo-ed a dress or lipstick because "it's for girls!"), but the majority of parents are not comfortable at all seeing a little gender-bending in their children.
"No honey you can't do that it's just for girls/boys"
"put that away only girls/boys carry that"
They'd rather have their four year old daughter crying than have her wear a shield over her dress. It is amazing what parents are willing to do in order to supress anything they've been conditioned to feel is 'unnatural' or 'abnormal'.
I did not realize how lucky I was to grow up with parents that weren't so invested in the idea of proper gender roles. When my brother wanted a zorro costume my mom made me a matching Purple Girl costume so we could go avenging together. And I did not go avenging with a curling iron - I got a sword just like my brother.
I think this is very relevant
Over at Pandagon, Amanda has a post up about the way in which the Discovery Channel genders its gift catalogue-- the top "boy" gift is a chemistry kit, while the top "girl" gift is a pottery wheel? The "girl" list also includes things like nail polish and friendship bracelets, which do not appear on the "boy" list at all-- the "boy" list is topped by a number of products that are much more sciencey.
Amanda also links to a number of other bloggers who have discussed this, I encourage everyone to check it out.
May I please?
Link to this post in the next Carnival of Feminists on Dec. 20? (See http://feministcarnival.blogspot.com/ ).
regards, Sandy D.
http://imponderabilia.blogspot.com/
sure, I dont mind at all
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Boys are always after girls
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When we bought a pair of mbt shoes, however, maybe we'll ask how long we need to wear MBT every day? Does only a small part? In fact, as long as you feel well can always wear MBT Shoes, and enjoy the experience of one of them. Once that feeling muscle tension or pain, they should take off for some time.
Continue to some time, and quickly, you can wear all day cheap mbt shoes. Basically, long in the following simple principles: listen to your body feeling! So anti shoe mbt will give you different from other shoes feel, comfort, health, fashion. This is today's fashion, in order to achieve the most perfect human being.
Whether or not you need mbt shoes, you will be able to find mbt shop online. There MBT Shoe Clearance at retail price, because they have what they wanted to promote the new tank style, a large number of the selected discontinued styles. This shoes as special half-price concession.
The recent released MBT Shoes Sale for men and women, tanks are doing marketing activities, the processing of all love healthy fashion, you can think of yourself as a friend bought a pair of mbt anti shoe. I found it is empowering for normal women who have weight to lose, do not have personal chefs, and need to go to work daily.
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