AGA Roll Call: Dear Me

Dear Me,

I have putting writing this letter off for a long time, but it has never been far from my mind every time I come to post a blog entry. I think most of that is that I am finally coming to terms with the fact that in ten years time I probably will be around to read this letter, which only a few months ago was a hope that I couldn’t quite grasp hold of, and now it seems a lot more realistic.

In a couple of months I am getting out of here and moving to Canada for a year (at this stage) to start a new life. Right now I don’t feel like I am leaving much behind that I will miss, aside from a few people who I hope I will keep in touch with. A while ago now, Heather told me that as you grow older you start to make your own family, from people you really care about and who care about and are invested in you. I have started that process only recently, and I do hope that as I read this ten years from now I do have those people in my life, even if they are few, and I hope that I am one of those people in someone else’s life.

I hope that I have made something of my life, have travelled and gone back to finish university, and that things are better than they are for me now at age 20. But I also hope that I have not forgotten the little things that have kept me sane through all of these years, like my art and my ability to put on my music and drift away for hours on end and feel at my happiest.

I hope that I did at some stage return to New Zealand without fear in my heart, and that I was able to take in the beauty of this place without resenting what I have been through in my time of living here. This is and always will be home, no matter how far away from it I am. Right now I am living day by day, trying to get back on my feet and live a little. Everyday is important and I hope I don’t waste anymore time trying to make everyone else happy apart from myself, I am important too, I hope that one day I can say those words to my Mother.

Most of all I hope I don’t forget where I came from, and what has made me the person I am, but I hope I don’t let those pains rule my life. There are lots of good memories to be made.

Te tiro atu to kanohi ki tairawhiti ana tera whiti te ra kite ataata ka hinga ki muri kia koe (Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you)