This is what they do to us

This is what drives me crazy about abuse and abusive people:

They screw up EVERY memory you have of childhood, to the point where I feel like smashing photos of myself out of frames in my house, because everytime I look at that kid I see what he did to me written all over my damn face.

They take and take and take untill your whole sense of self is so screwed up that you think thats all you can do for people, is give and give untill you realise oneday that that is all a big load of crap and that you wasted the majority of your life doing that when you could have, i don't know, LIVED?

They walk in and out of your life when it suits them, and because you are already so effing brainwashed by them you just watch as they come in and ruin everything again and again, and then they go again when they are tired of you for a time, then back they come just when you are recovering from all that happened the last time.

They screw up EVERYTHING, and then they don't have to do ANY of the work to fix what they did.

I hate that I have SO much hate for him that I feel like I am going insane more and more each day, and he doesn't ever get to feel that, and doesn't give a damn what I feel.

I hate that I am still so terrified out of my mind that no matter what I do the next time I turn around he will be there, even though I know that he wont be, I am so so scared all the damn time.

I hate that I drink to get a few hours sleep where I might not dream about this time or that, and then wake up and hate myself for drinking again.

THAT is what they do to Women all the time. We are left will all the shitty healing to do, and all the pieces to put back together. It is just so unfair.

That is what I hate about abusers. I'm not sure it even matter's. It just is making me so crazy.