Who have I become?

I don't know how it ended up this way.
I have stamps in my passport I don't remember... I went to Seattle more than once? I am just a small town New Zealand girl; we are not supposed to go anywhere. We are supposed to marry some so and so from the fire service and have kids and work twice a week in the bowling club so that the eighty year old residents of the town have something to cling to during the winter.

I have a big backpack that sits in the corner of my room all year round staring me in the face. I don’t have an apron or the "what to expect when you are expecting" book. I don’t want to trade my stethoscope for a bib and a year’s supply of diapers. I don’t need to be in some meaningless marriage. I don’t need props for having dinner on the table when some husband comes home from work. I want to work. I want to burn stuff because I can't cook and I want to live on noodles and rum, as though I am 20 forever.

I want to walk through this town and not get sideways glances because I turned down a date from the hardware store owner’s son. I don't want to be told each day that my travels were just me running away from my troubles at home. Maybe I just want to see the world? Maybe there is more out there than thirsty Thursday at the local pub and the yearly returned serviceman parade. Maybe if half this town saw the suffering I saw in Burma, or the faces of starving children I saw in Cambodia, maybe then they would have some sort of perspective of why I am the way I am. I am damn proud of who I am.

I don't want to be the wife of some owner of some small town store. I don't want to be "mother helper" at the kindergarten every third Monday. I want to wear my hair in braids and my PJ pants to the supermarket. I am ok with getting abusive words thrown at me every time I leave the house about what a failure I am as a Woman, because I know that as long as these small town, small minded people are calling me this that I am a success. I am healthy. I have not given in to the grand plan that was set for me from the moment I was conceived.

I don't want to be your damn puppet. I am a Woman who is getting herself an education, a career, is not afraid to stand up for herself and is proud that she is not like the rest of this town.

I am no longer afraid of you.