And then I blinked the tombstones out of my eyes...

Hey all,

Excuse the short sabbatical. My mental health has not been fantastic, which unfortunatly has meant a few hospital over nighter's. One thing I have noticed when I am really not feeling like myself is that other peoples realities seem to jump out at you a whole lot clearer. Which makes for not only some interestingly sleepless nights but for a lot of summarising of what exactly I want/do not ever want in my life. So without further rambling, here is that list:

I DO want:
-To live in a place where i am safe and secure (at least most of the time)
-To connect with more Women, feminist women, and feel secure in not having to constantly seek male attention.
-To sleep, eat, read, without feeling guilty for giving myself the time to do these things.
-To be able to go a day without getting wasted in some form.
-To be strong and strong enough to voice my opinions where and when it matters.
-To look at my scars and think "I am strong for getting through that part of my life" and not "you are ugly".
-To forgive a little more than I do.
-To let people love me the way I deserve, and accept their love instead of questioning it.

I DO NOT want:
-To look over my shoulder for past demons for the rest of my life.
-To harm my body anymore than I already have.
-To wonder if the world would be a better place without me, anymore.
-To be a follower anymore.
-To accept things that I can actually change.
-To be weighed down by negative thoughts about my body image.

My posting of this here was not pointless, But almost a way of signing it as a contract to myself. Just as I felt with the "dear me" letter I wrote here so long ago.