Feminists Don't Have Self-Esteem Problems

If you ask my opinion on cosmetic breast implants, I will go off on an angry rant about how ridiculous it is that women with perfectly healthy, symmetrical, functional bodies are emotionally worked into a physical standard so unrealistic that they go stuffing saline solution into their busts. Ask me if I'd ever get them? Don't bet your life on it, unless a car wreck severs my left breast tomorrow.

...But what am I thinking in the dark, alone, at home, when there are no crowds, no one to debate with, and no one to stand tall-and-feminist-strong for?

I'm looking at my breasts and aching, Wouldn't it just be so much easier TO get implants? Wouldn't I /feel/ so much better- wouldn't it just be a total load-off? And in moments like these, when I fantasize about what it would be like to have fake plastic breasts, I realize how much energy I spend on NOT having fake plastic breasts: because the idea of having them sounds like the suggestion of releasing a cramped muscle. It sounds like, Hey, you don't have to hold your breath anymore.

When I imagine all the things I could do with the energy I now spend helping myself feel good about my natural breasts, I feel like I could /learn a new language/, /write a book/, /get fit/. And sometimes that fantasy will carry me so high I'll have to slap myself back down, and when I crash from these highs, it's always with the same painful, even more self-esteem crushing thought, "I'm a bad feminist."

I'm a bad feminist.

Because in the same way that lesbians aren't supposed to have STDs, feminists aren't supposed to have self-esteem problems. We know /better/ than all this vapid media junk; these heterosexist politics; those little snips and snags that seem to follow us everywhere to remind us that we are "less". Even though we admit we can never /fully/ remove all that programming, much like a vegan might admit that they can never /fully/ avoid all animal products with total success, we are still expected to have a lot more of our basics cleared up than the women who don't identify as feminists. Right? Vegans may unwittingly eat a fry or two that was cooked in animal rather than vegetable oil, but they still know how to steer clear of scrambled eggs.

I'm telling people the truth when I insist that I would never, ever want cosmetic surgery on my breasts.

But that does not erase the side of me that is just desperate to slap a couple of pouches in there and call it done, finally.

(I hope you're getting by now that these breasts of mine are very metaphorical.)

However, I can't /admit/ that... I can't call myself a feminist and still admit that.

Why? When I meet opposition- people who /hate/ my feminism, and want to crush it the moment they hear what I'm about- they /know/ that place exists. They know it: its mechanics, its buttons, its exact location. They strike out at it like a viper, quick and dirty, depositing their venom into me in a not-so-benevolent attempt to "liberate" me from my feminist ways. And when that happens, I have got to be completely solid. I can't have a single crack. I've got to be pushing back with everything I've got, and angry rants usually result from that.

...Yeah. As a feminist, I've got a lot of angry rants.

But a lot of somberness behind 'em.

The words "empowering" and "disempowering" are pretty regular vocabulary. They're popular bling words that are often abused; ever seen the Buffy episode where the wicca gal's goin' on about how she makes an "empowering lemon bundt"?

When I think about "disempowering", I think about the way that breast-implant fantasies make me feel. How I would not feel better about myself as a person, but how life seems like it would be so much easier. How I would be able to walk into the world with this extra up of "confidence" because it is ONE less thing to worry about- one less thing to spend time propping up. (So to speak.) THAT is disempowerment, because the idea of what I might have with implants in is supposed to be what I have naturally.

Which means that when I'm working myself up and working myself up into that occasional feminist high where, "Yeah, mister, I am A-OK and happy with my natural body, hairy legs n' breasts n' all"? That's just me working myself up to being a NORMAL PERSON.

...So why am I posting this here?

Because I just want to show you all what a BAD feminist I am. I want to go into a feminist space and say, goddamit, sometimes I just wanna starve myself to a stick, paint my toenails pink, and shave my snatch. I have got self-esteem issues of the most basic, humiliating sorts coming out the ass, and I'm about as empowered as a grapefruit.

Anyone else?

Anyone else have metaphorical breast issues?

Anyone?

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i totally agree

I feel like that too. A lot. It's easy to get sucked up in the hype, especially as a teen. Sometimes I just want to say, "the hell with it! I'm going to be like everyone else!" And sometimes, I actually do get to the point that I'm painting my toenails pink, though I admit I rub it off right away because I don't like pink. But sometimes it just seems like it would be easier to give up on my feminist ideaologies in my conservatice town and be like all the rest of the girls, concerned with what people think of my figure. I'm definitely not saying that I don't worry what I look like to others, but I imagine what it would be like to be "perfect." With perfect breasts inside and out, metaphorical and literal. It seems almost shameful to wonder, but how can you not?

You know, I was thinking

You know, I was thinking about something similar yesterday. I was reading a section in a book by Alice Schwarzer (wonderful feminist author/journalist/etc) about how the only feminists who can ever hope to be accepted into mainstream media to any extent have to be drop dead gorgeous. Anything less, and all they'll ever hear is how they're only feminist/opposed to plastic surgery/displeased with patriarchy/etc because they're too ugly to get a man. We simply can't *afford* to have body image issues, because that makes us all the more vulnerable to the attacks we have to deal with anyway.

Still, nothing wrong with painting your toenails pink if you feel like it. I paint mine red in the summer, just because I like it.

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Irmelin, I absolutely hear what you are saying here.

I get what your saying.

I get what your saying. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to just use my body to get everything I want, espeically now that my boobs are huge since I'm breastfeeding. But then I am reminded, that's internal sexism talking... I mean how sick is it that I'm breastfeeding my daughter and my boobs are huge and the first thing I think of is that I could make a million dollars in tips at any resturant with the right shirt and bra? I know I would't be happy do something like that in the end, I would be completely disgusted with myself and all of mankind for looking at me in only a sexual way...but it's a nice little fantasy to think life would be easier if I just gave up.

"...but it's a nice little

"...but it's a nice little fantasy to think life would be easier *if I just gave up.*"

I think you just captured it.

~Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Thank you!

This is just the sort of thing I think all the time. As repulsed as we're supposed to be at the "female chauvinist pig" culture, I think about my body and its imperfections all the time. Your post hit the spot.

Love and hugs,
Julia

You have got me laughing my

You have got me laughing my head off w/this clinching paragraph!! You freaking rock :D !!! Heeheehehee Oh my God. Oh my God, I so badly relate. Badly. And this feminist insecurity tree has about a billion different branches, it seems like. If you're not feeling inadequate about your true feminist self iin one area on one given day, rest assured you'll be feeling it in another area of your life -- relationship wise, or sister-loving wise, or knowledge wise, or what have you. Really I think this just means, though, that you really ARE a committed feminist though.

All I can say is if you keep on keeping on on your high road of "I love myself, la la la la, I love myself, la la la la, " --it DOES get better. Faking it til you ARE making it really does work--your emotional state eventually becomes (usually) your mental state. It took a long time, like, a decade, for me personally, but I know everyone is different. Anyways thanks for the funny. :D

Hey Irmelin, I just wanted

Hey Irmelin, I just wanted to make sure you saw that this post was included in the Carnival of the Feminists. Nice job. :)

Found this via the Carnival of the Feminists

And I just wanted to say: YES, yes. Yes, I also have metaphorical breast issues. Mine are more like metaphorical liposuction-on-my-thighs issues, though.

Do women, statistically,

Do women, statistically, make less money than men for the same types of jobs because of corporate sexism, or is it a result of social conditioning telling us to be cooperative, so we don't fight for fair salaries? Personally, I think it's some combination of the two.
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This New Allen Iverson Shoes : Reebok Answer XII Invictus shoes will be printed in the history. Allen Iverson is a great scorer that will have a place in the House of Fame. His sneaker has a fabulous history. If you are Crazy about Kobe Bryant Shoes, there are Nike Zoom Kobe Shoes Mens and Womens Collection for you. Or Lebron James is your idol aslo can collect all his Signature Shoes there.

The eastern part of the all star line-ups list: Dwight Howard, LeBron James Shoes, Kevin Garnett, Dwyane Wade, Allen Iverson; West all star line-ups list: Kobe Bryant, Yao Ming, Tim Duncan Shoes, Chris-Paul, Amare Stoudemire.
And as we know, there are so many fans, men even women, are bound up in NBA. Atasale.com, he can support you the NBA Shoes about those NBA MVP. /You xiaoyan

tblzone

I write this because I saw no articles on timberland boots. In fact, very few hiking stores push them as a hiking/backpacking product. I have a pair of timberland chukka boots, and I am as satisfied with them as I have been with any product. These Men's Timberland 6 inch Boots have 2 variations. First, there is the common wear, which are made of all leather on the outside.

The timberland shoes is the kind I see people wearing all the time -they're trendy and all. There's also another kind of Eurohiker. They have a leather and canvas-type exterior, and a Gortex lining. They are completely comfortable, and completely waterproof. The gortex on the inside is done so well that once, when I had dunked my whole foot in water up to my knees, Kids' Timberland Boots filling the boot with water, the lining pulled most away from my foot.

An few minutes over a fire, a fresh pair of socks, and Women's Timberland High Top Boot I was ready to go with dry feet.
They become unbelievably soft. I have timberland sneakers burned them twice near fires, once on one of belllows tongues, and once on the sole, and it has affected them in no way other than minor cosmetics./Zhenghuiqing

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