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I feel like that too. A lot. It's easy to get sucked up in the hype, especially as a teen. Sometimes I just want to say, "the hell with it! I'm going to be like everyone else!" And sometimes, I actually do get to the point that I'm painting my toenails pink, though I admit I rub it off right away because I don't like pink. But sometimes it just seems like it would be easier to give up on my feminist ideaologies in my conservatice town and be like all the rest of the girls, concerned with what people think of my figure. I'm definitely not saying that I don't worry what I look like to others, but I imagine what it would be like to be "perfect." With perfect breasts inside and out, metaphorical and literal. It seems almost shameful to wonder, but how can you not?

You know, I was thinking about something similar yesterday. I was reading a section in a book by Alice Schwarzer (wonderful feminist author/journalist/etc) about how the only feminists who can ever hope to be accepted into mainstream media to any extent have to be drop dead gorgeous. Anything less, and all they'll ever hear is how they're only feminist/opposed to plastic surgery/displeased with patriarchy/etc because they're too ugly to get a man. We simply can't *afford* to have body image issues, because that makes us all the more vulnerable to the attacks we have to deal with anyway.

Still, nothing wrong with painting your toenails pink if you feel like it. I paint mine red in the summer, just because I like it.

Irmelin, I absolutely hear what you are saying here.

I get what your saying. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to just use my body to get everything I want, espeically now that my boobs are huge since I'm breastfeeding. But then I am reminded, that's internal sexism talking... I mean how sick is it that I'm breastfeeding my daughter and my boobs are huge and the first thing I think of is that I could make a million dollars in tips at any resturant with the right shirt and bra? I know I would't be happy do something like that in the end, I would be completely disgusted with myself and all of mankind for looking at me in only a sexual way...but it's a nice little fantasy to think life would be easier if I just gave up.

"...but it's a nice little fantasy to think life would be easier *if I just gave up.*"

I think you just captured it.

~Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

This is just the sort of thing I think all the time. As repulsed as we're supposed to be at the "female chauvinist pig" culture, I think about my body and its imperfections all the time. Your post hit the spot.

Love and hugs,
Julia

You have got me laughing my head off w/this clinching paragraph!! You freaking rock :D !!! Heeheehehee Oh my God. Oh my God, I so badly relate. Badly. And this feminist insecurity tree has about a billion different branches, it seems like. If you're not feeling inadequate about your true feminist self iin one area on one given day, rest assured you'll be feeling it in another area of your life -- relationship wise, or sister-loving wise, or knowledge wise, or what have you. Really I think this just means, though, that you really ARE a committed feminist though.

All I can say is if you keep on keeping on on your high road of "I love myself, la la la la, I love myself, la la la la, " --it DOES get better. Faking it til you ARE making it really does work--your emotional state eventually becomes (usually) your mental state. It took a long time, like, a decade, for me personally, but I know everyone is different. Anyways thanks for the funny. :D

Hey Irmelin, I just wanted to make sure you saw that this post was included in the Carnival of the Feminists. Nice job. :)

And I just wanted to say: YES, yes. Yes, I also have metaphorical breast issues. Mine are more like metaphorical liposuction-on-my-thighs issues, though.

Do women, statistically, make less money than men for the same types of jobs because of corporate sexism, or is it a result of social conditioning telling us to be cooperative, so we don't fight for fair salaries? Personally, I think it's some combination of the two.
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