Compliance
One of the few feminist arguments that actually gets some validating attention in the "modern western world" is the one that revolves around beauty standards. Mind you, it was bad enough when beauty standards required women to be a slave to "self-maintenance"... but now, even the most expensive products, the most vigorous dietary regime, and the most "fortunate" genetics cannot even begin to approach the beauty demand that is being placed upon our badly photoshopped, surgically altered generation.
"Scientific studies and the most casual viewing yield the same conclusion: Women are shown almost exclusively as housewives or sex objects.
The sex object is a mannequin, a shell. Conventional beauty is her only attribute. She has no lines or wrinkles, no scars or blemishes--indeed, she has no pores. She is thin, generally tall and long-legged, and, above all, she is young."
-Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D.*
But I was thinking lately... Is it really a woman's relative closeness to The Ideal that determines her sexiness, or is it something much more ancient and fundamental in the dual-sex relationship--namely, her compliance?
A couple of weeks ago, before the weather turned, I was tanning on the beach in my new bikini. Now, I've been on the beach plenty of times before, but always in a modest swimsuit and swim-shorts. This time, in an attempt to get an even back-tan, there was really nothing between me and the world but a pair of black, waterproof panties.
Now, here's the part where I give some seemingly shallow disclaimer that I personally consider myself an attractive person, but that where The Ideal is concerned, I'm really far off. "Over"weight, curly red hair, blemishes, stretch marks, cellulite, glasses, crooked teeth, callouses, and I don't bleach my anus or wax my Little Irmelin. You know, human.
I mention this because it makes me ponder exactly what the heck happened when, wearing this bikini, I was suddenly approached by men. Besides a good number of cat-calls, one man even walked up to me and--gag--offered to put sunscreen on me. I'd never had this attention wearing my regular swim-suit.
It's not as though I got bumped any closer to The Ideal just by wearing Victoria's Secret; in fact, if anything, the revealing nature of the outfit would have more blatantly advertised the ways in which I was left of that image.
So why in the world, I wondered, was I suddenly some sex-mama, even though my size, shape, hair, etc., remained the same?
Then I wondered: could it be as simple as the fact that, by wearing the bikini, I chose to comply with a mainstream sex idea, and in so doing, advertised that I considered my sexuality, on whatever level, to be all the things that the mainstream Ideal says it is: up for grabs by men, maintained for the visual pleasure of men, and rooted in an insecurity that only men can heal?
Is this idea that men won't love us or find us attractive unless we meet this Ideal some big red herring, when the truth is that men will find us more attractive the more desperately they see us running toward that Ideal? Is that why the dangling carrot always has to be moved further back--become ever more impossible, ever more insane to reach?
A higher beauty standard doesn't mean that women become more beautiful; it means that they become more compliant. And compliance, I am figuring out, is sexy.
After all, what do you say to a woman who has not bleached her hair, surgically altered her breasts, shaved her pits, invested in make-up products, and trained herself to walk in high heels?
"You're not taking care of yourself."
Or, if the heckler is particularly high-minded, they might deliver the familiar,
"You're clearly one of those feminists. Well guess what? No matter how ANGRY you are, people do require some basic standard of maintenance; that's just reality. If you don't get with it, you're going to end up alone."
Or, what do you say to a black woman who may indeed have spent hours on her appearance, but has made no attempt to doll herself up to the white beauty standard?
"Wow, you're not even TRYING, are you? You know there are straightening products for that fro."
And what is one of the highest marks of respect society gives to a middle-aged woman who has the body and stamina of a 20-year-old? That she clearly worked hard enough to "keep her youth". This, society seems to agree, is to be deeply commended--and generally rewarded with its own sex category, like "cougar" or "MILF".
Personally, I think we've been tricked. You could have the impossible Ideal body, but not receive an ounce of sexualization if you step outside the door in casual clothes, tennis shoes, unshaved pits, no make-up, and a lover's haste knot. None of those things are "unhygenic" or "low maintenance"--they're personality choices that strafe left of the rigid code of beauty compliance.
(Heck, say the same for goth clothes, punk hair-cuts, genderqueer fedoras, etc.)
We know all these things already, and we talk about this when we talk about how, for example, rapists feel that our sexuality is being offered on a silver plate if we wear sexy clothes... but the conclusion I'm drawing here, in this context, is simply that:
The beauty ideal is not beauty, but how desperate you are to be beautiful.
It's a sweet deal, isn't it? Sit back, watch women sex-doll themselves, and enjoy the incredible leverage that comes with saying, "I think your butt looks fine the way it is."
wow
I think this is really insightful--gonna have to think about it before I comment more specifically.
Great analysis!
I completely agree. On the subject of compliance, I think the problem is not necessarily the idea of beauty or beauty/"hygiene" regimens as much as it is the inequity of these regimens for men as opposed to women. I don't think it's that weird at all for society to hold smooth skin up as a beauty standard, so long as it's expected that women AND men shave or wax their body hair. But only women comply (and are expected to comply) to the standard, making it a feminist issue.
Well put article!
I'd like to first congratulate you on a brilliantly written article. I find though that from my point of view, it leaves out one point. Often when out with my girlfriend and her friends, it's usually they who judge the most severly other women. It would seem from my point of view that many of the ideals set by society are set by women. I know I'll probably get flamed for that, but it's just an opinion. Oh. And I dislike body hair. I get rid of mine too. My lady doesn't like it. And it tickles :p
re: richard
Welcome to the site, Richard. You won't get "flamed" here, though your opinions will be challenged.
The "women do it to themselves" line is as old as feminism, and there are plenty of great articles out there that address it better, so I'm not going to write an essay, but I will say that I while I agree that women are part of enforcing sexism, they do not "set" those demands. Consider who the objectification and sexualization of women ultimately serves: hetero men. It's entirely common, and historically documented, for jailees to act as jailers for a few superficial rewards--but at the end of the day, you're still locked up, and the patriarchy still has the keyring.
As far as body hair--it's okay to not like it, and it's okay to remove it. The not-ok part is only when your feelings about body hair make it uncomfortable for others to do what they want with their bodies and leave theirs on--whether that's a partner or a stranger.
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