Well first, I am really sorry. I know that I have not been on, but, well let's just say that I have been dealing with some really horribal stuff. You see, I have been seeing a cousoler for almost a year, twice a month. And my dad found out when my mom had to do her witness list for court. And I sighned a limited release for her to talk to him, but only about his recomendations and diagnosis. But apprently thats not enought for her. She wants a unlimited release so she can get EVERYTHING. I have went thru this before and she told my dad and i refuse to sit there and have my dad scream and yell at me.
Again, I have been really busy. yeasterday marked the one year annivesery of my freinds death. He died of gang violence. I dont know what happend. In case you havent noticed alot of people have died around me. I often wonder why they have been taken from me. Lately i have been thinking what my life was a year ago. How i was depressed and suicidal. And now look, I'm happy and i not suicidal. It came to a shock to my mom when she found out. She cried for hours. now that i think about it, I would of done them same thing if I was her. i also think about how much pain i have caused upon my family. Everyone always assures me that its not my fault but theres always that one little moment.
My mom finaly broke up with her no-good boy friend, Ben. I know how you can't hate someone, but this is the one exception. He harasses me, my sister, my brother, and my mom. We even have to change our locks to our house now. We always have to be really careful. My mom said that we may even have to go into hiding because he basically stalks us. We told the cops but they said they can't do anything with out proof. I'm really kind of scared because of this. Why can't he just get over it? I told his 19 yr old daughter what is going on today on myspace, against my mom's wishes. Was I wrong to do that? He hasn't spoken to his daughter in 6 months.
OK, I am really sorry that I have not been on at all in a really long time. I've been real busy with my school work and my parents and then my boyfriend and final exams in all of my classes. You know how if you stub you toe when you get up that it's been a bad start to the day? What if your boyfreind broke up with you in a EMAIL! Yep, Leo, (thats his nick name) broke up with me in a email. I got up this morning and I was a message from him and then when I went to respond, he deleted it! When I got to school I went up to him and asked him why he didnt just break up with my to my face or at least the phone? His response? That he was too busy.
My brother- not there when you need him- there when you don't need him. On Sat. we went to a friend's for a birthday party and I was talking to this guy about music. We were talking about rap when my brother noticed that we were talking and he ran up and was all "Keera, I need to talk to you right now!" and with that he started to drag me off. I told CJ, the guy I was talking to, that I'd be right back. My brother took me outside and began to give me the "birds and bees" speech. When he finally stopped, I started to laugh. Isn't it cute how your brothers do embarassing thing to try and protect you?
My father, I love him dearly. But, when it comes to decision making for me, it's like I'm not there. He makes my choices for me. I've told him to stop, but he said that if I do it, I'll scew up my life. When I went school clothes shopping with him for school clothes, talk about a NIGHTMARE! "That skirt's too small," "That shirt's too tight," or *#? like that. Then I told him to pick out a wardrobe that he would approve of and I'll pick out what I like and we will compare. Skirts that came to the knee, button up blouses, and 2 pairs of jeans with loafers is what he chose. Wow, is that 50's or what? He said that he like the style then and that no daughter of his is gonna be wearing what us girls wear now.
My mom has always had the "There's no such thing as a good man. They are worthless." kind of attitude.
As my siblings and I try to get our mom to realise that the man she is with now is worthless. Jail bait. They have been together for 4 years and he can't even remember her birthday. Now, there is this really great guy that we all like that has a crush on my mom and she treats him like crap. She even admits that she is no longer in love with Ben, the guy she is with now.
But he is still in our lives.
The guy that hit her youngest daughter, me, sleeps in the room next to her.
Why does she has this kind of attitude? Just because she got married and divorced twice she thinks that guys are worthless.
My older sister, Christina, is getting married in a year.
BUT that doesnt stop her from becoming -- I guess what you could say is "bridezilla". I believe I have gotten 7 phone calls from her, this week, needing me to do things.
Thank goodness that is only 1 year instead of 2. I understand that it's "her day," and that she wants it to be perfect, but CALM DOWN! It's not like the flowers are just going to somehow vanish for no reason.
Anyway, seeing how happy my sissy (thats our nick-name for each other) is with her soon to be husband, Tracy, makes me happy. Seeing how they are tells me that there is that perfect someone for everyone.
My ex-boyfriend, Austin, has had the most problems I have ever seen.
When I was little I was taken away and put into foster care because of my brother doing drugs and being in a gang. Well, with Austin, I felt as though I was being dragged right back in.
That's why I got out of it. I broke up with him when the time was right. Only then did I find out that he was cheating on me. I noticed that more men cheat than women: why is that? Do they think they deserve 2 or more women? And then, how can they feel no guilt for it? They act as though it is totally fine.
I'm 14, and I've had a drug addicted, gangster, cheating boyfriend. And to think, when I met him he did not act like that at all. I used to think that Austin could pull out of it, like my brother. But, I was wrong. Very wrong. It just got worse.
I cannot believe this.
My great grandmother, the most independant woman I have ever met, is dead. To be totally honest, our family has expected this for two years but, still, the shock of getting that one phone call at 5am to tell me what happened is horrifying. When we, my mom, brother, sister and her BF and myself, went to the funeral to hear stories, I was truly shocked.
Her own SON portrayed her as a "golddigger"- that she went out with men just to get money. THAT is not true. My grandmother, his older sister, set him straight in front of the whole family. What made him think that He could get away with saying that about his own mother in front of the whole family? He had nothing kind to say about her at all. Why do people, even a few women, do that? My grandmother brought up the point that he was six months when his dad died and that she never, not once, went out with another man after he died. He tried to say that his independant, worked for everything,despite what men said mother, was a "golddigger". How can he say that? That was a truly sad day for our family indeed.
My great-grandmother, was and still is a great example of independence. In my short life, I have noticed how some, not all, men have thought that women are not independent.
They think that women cannot take care of them selves. If my great-grandmother had anything to say about that.... well let's just say that they would keep their mouths shut while around her.
She had three childeren. When the youngest was 1, the middle one 2, and the oldest 4, her husband, my great-grandfather, died. For 17 years she took care of herself and her children, with no help at all! I think that this just goes to show that women CAN take care of themselves.
Why do people produce music to sound like, well, sluts? Just listen to some of it and you can tell. Yes, I cannot stand how they show women but if I say that I hate that kind of music, I'd be lying. Yes I do listen to that kind of stuff BUT that doesn't allow them to produce music like that! They, in my opinion, should take women's feelings in to consideration.
My dad. The person who is against feminism. My father claims that all women are here to cook, clean, and, have kids. I beg to differ. We are not here just to cook, clean, and have children. He tells me that when I am older I will get married, have kids, and be a stay at home mom. Whats wrong with that picture? He thinks that women should not be allowed to
4. wear jeans
5. have a chance like men
Thats unfair, we are all the same. IT reminds me of some of the music on the radio. But thats a whole new topic.
A month ago me and my BFF went to a party to go get one of our freinds, Colline, and after a hour I couldn't find Aleena, my BFF. After about 10 more minuets she came running out of a nearby room with her makeup smeared and clothes torn. We ran out side and she was crying and she told me that she was raped. She was a virgin.
How can a guy do that? Have they no respect for women, no matter how young? Where do they gather that doing that it is right and they will get away with it? That guy took Aleena's most prized possetion. Why? Why would ANYONE do that?
About 2 weeks after that we were at a freinds to get her and her older brother was having a party. The guy that raped ALeena was there. The police had looked into the matter of the rape but he lied about where he was. Aleena was scared to the bone and then he came up to her and threw her against a wall and said somthing to her, but i dont know what. She ran away. I found her about and hour ago in that bathroom bleeding. She slit her wrists. She told me that she could not handle knowing that the guy that raped her was still here. She died in my arms.