Nancyhere
Reged: Apr 03 2007
Posts: 1
Loc: San Francisco, CA, USA
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For a feminist, holiday meal preparation can seem like a bit of a trap. I was reminded of this conflict after reading this article:
http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22360/27705/?CMP=KNC-DC_YSM_6
If you celebrate Easter by a having Easter dinner, how do you and your family divide up the cooking and cleaning for the meal? Does it end up being various generations of women in the kitchen, or is it a family event?
Edited by Nancyhere (Tue Apr 03 2007 01:59 PM)
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Jill
Reged: Jun 22 2006
Posts: 132
Loc: Irons, MI, US
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Gah, this grates me every single holiday. It's always the women in the kitchen while the men play video games. Sure the men are assigned to trash duty and bringing in firewood if necessary but that's not what I'd call balance. But, much like the author of that article, I'm not about to leave all the work to my grandmother so I pitch in every year.
To be fair, some of the men do a great deal of work in my family. If something needs to be fixed or any other stereotypical "men's work" needs to be done my dad or one of my uncles does it without complaint. Still it's galling that we (we being my family in this case) divvy up the chores based on gender instead of something more relevant like skills or preferences.
Tomorrow my extended family and I will be at my dad's for a birthday. My dad will make the cake and ice cream but odds are good that one of my aunts and I will wind up in the kitchen too.
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Kampire
AGA Blogger
Reged: Jun 20 2006
Posts: 205
Loc: Ohio
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Great point. I know that in my family, even though the men are generally more progressive than the traditional African man, it is always, without exception, the women who do the work while the men do very little. Unless we're outside and there's a barbecue, somehow that is an acceptable place for men. The only males who ever participate in cooking,cleaning or helping are the kids. Men do the things like buy drinks or building fires but never any cooking or cleaning.
I've also been thinking about the whole idea of reinforcing roles lately, because my roomates brother Steve who's been having a hard time recently has come to live with us. So what used to be an all girls house now has a male presence and that has forced me to think about the way we divide up housework. My two roomates and I would always grumble about who does what work, but of course gender never came into it coz we are all female. Steve has no problem vaccuming or doing dishes or any other cleaning chore, but he doesn't cook because he can't do it as well as us girls can, because he's never had to. So when I come home from classes, tired it would be nice if there was a meal waiting but no, one of us has to cook even though Steve is in the house all day doing very little. It is even more irritating when I come home from school and he complains that he is hungry or asks me to cook. I mean, can't you make yourself a sandwich or something? Of course your food isn't going to taste as good as mine, thanks to traditional gender roles, I've been cooking since I was a little girl. How are you going to learn to make good food if you don't try and you don't spend anytime in the kitchen.
Which brings me back to the men in my family. A lot of them are educated, progressive men. I wouldn't describe them as particularly feminist but they are aware of the unfairness of traditional gender roles and in their own ways try to be less oppressive. But when it comes to cooking, the fact is that they don't know how to. And the women do because they never had any other choice. And so it is easier to reinforce these roles instead of getting into an argument (on the woman's side) or eating some shitty food for a few weeks (on the men's side)
I don't understand why this stops them from picking up a mop or making a salad though.
I think I just went on a quite seperate rant, but those are my 2 cents
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Speaking out for women's rights: voice4choice.org
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LenaK
AGA Blogger
Reged: Jun 21 2006
Posts: 39
Loc: Northern Germany
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Good question and interesting replies so far! I'll answer this with everyday meal prep and other holidays in consideration. My family's not really into traditional gender roles in terms of holidays and being in the kitchen, but I'd guess my mom usually cleans up the most. My father's big on things like Easter bunnies and egg hunts, so he always was the one who set that up.
In terms of regular meals, first my mom cooked for a few years, then my dad cooked for awhile, and lastly it was divided into: seven days of the week + seven people = each person gets a night to cook dinner. Now it depends on who's home and what people are up for. Right now I'm at home for a visit and the other day I did most of the cooking while my dad chopped the veggies (I don't like that part) and my mom loaded the dishwasher.
Originally, my dad cooked the big meat dishes, like a turkey on Thanksgiving while my mom made the desserts. Over time, we realized no one really wanted to do all that work, so it's touch and go. We'll go out to eat at a dining hall sometimes or, if a kid's home and feeling up to it, s/he'll cook a fancy meal for the occasion.
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Elizabeth
AGA Blogger
Reged: Jan 23 2007
Posts: 50
Loc: Seattle, WA, USA
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I live with my family, And were all single women. So three of us. We all just cook and normally invite other people over who dont have places to go. We make it so that our house is kind of an open house to friends of friends and family of friends to come and eat food if they have no where to go. When our guest show up normally they bring something or they dont. And when they dont they always offer to help with cooking or doing dishes.
I guess we split everything equally in what we do with whoever is around but I dont even think about it really. To me its just about spending time with people you care about and having a hell of a party. Since we dont have family up here our friends are our family.
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E.Rockett
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Beppie
Reged: Jun 22 2006
Posts: 362
Loc: Sydney, Australia
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I think that my family has become more egalitarian in how we prepare our holiday meals.
I don't usually celebrate Easter (though I do like the chocolate  ), but at Christmas, when my family is together, we usually do a roast dinner-- it always used to be my mother who did it, while the rest of us slacked off, and she hates cooking. However, in recent years, I've taken over Roast Duty, because I actually love preparing the big meal. Generally I don't let anyone else interfere with my cooking, until right at the end when I get my dad to make the gravy.
We usually eat the roast around mid-afternoon (2:30-3:00pm), which means we also need breakfast that day, and my dad and my brother handle that-- they are a great team in producing bacon and eggs for the whole family. My mum gets the day off cooking because she always used to have to do it in years past.
Kampire, I have a similar situation with my partner insofar as cooking is concerned-- he never learned to cook much, mostly because he doesn't really enjoy food that much. He's happy just to eat some pre-packaged frozen meal that you put in the oven for 45 minutes, while I like food that takes a bit more effort-- and as I said before, I love cooking, so that means that sometimes I don't put the pressure on him to do his bit that I should. He is getting better though-- in fact, he's cooking when we have guests around this friday, so I get to relax and enjoy their company. I think you just need to set limits on what you're willing to do-- if your flatmate comes home and demands a meal, tell him to go get it himself-- and if he can only have a sandwich because he can't be bothered learning how to make a stir-fry, that's his problem.
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Joey
AGA Blogger
Reged: Jun 13 2006
Posts: 216
Loc: Germany
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I get to cook our Easter dinner this year, which I'm excited about. While I've always been recruited to help out in the kitchen, I was never interested in cooking until about two or so years ago, and so this year I feel up to cooking the whole meal for the family. I did the Christmas dinner last year, as well, and I absolutely loved it. I made everyone help out, including my dad and brother, and they didn't mind much. They both like to cook, as well, when they have the time - they just never do. Or so they say.
In the past, it was always my mom who did the cooking. Both for regular meals and for holidays. The roles were just divvied up that way in our household. Later, whey my brother and I were old enough to fend for ourselves in the kitchen, and with all of us coming home at a different time of day, that changed. Now whoever's there first cooks something. But weekends, it's still mostly my mom who's in the kitchen.
I've been out on my own for the past few years, and my dorm room's got a small kitchen area (ok, it's got a sink and half a stove), so I do my own cooking. When I was with my partner, he'd do all the cooking, because being an aspiring chef, he loved to cook. And he loved to impress me with it. I suppose if we'd moved in together that would've balanced out a bit, but it would never have been all up to me.
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand-
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Brooke
AGA Blogger
Reged: Jun 23 2006
Posts: 466
Loc: Pennsylvania
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Well at my sisters house, she does all the cooking during holidays mainly because she is a really good cook and makes interesting food. The guys may help out when it comes to taking out the trash or cleaning after the event, I always try to help with watching the kids, because after baby sitting for so many years I'm just used to it. I guess at my place though things are kind of equal. Like for example we're supposed to bring food to my boyfriend's family's event and he decided to make something...the guys in my house usually cook and do the dishes, I normally take out the trash, do laundry and clean our bathroom. But there really aren't any rules as to who does what, our roommate even occasionally babysits.
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summergoddess
Reged: Aug 17 2006
Posts: 46
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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With holidays, it's always been my mom who prepares everything. We usually have turkey or ham, depending on what my mother feels like cooking. I grew up with two brothers. They didn't really help out too much. In the past, I would be the one who set up the table, and get veggies and stuff ready but it was always my mom who prepared the actual food and gravy. WIthin the last couple years, I've generated interest in helping out more. I haven't gotten up the urge to cook for the entire family yet. It'll likely happen when me and my husband finally have our first house and have a big dining room to celebrate the festivities of Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving.
We've tried to alternate dinners with my family and with my husband's family. So far, it's been our own moms who've done the cooking but we've had one cousin who tried to do thanksgiving last year and it went okay.
My husband helps out with dishes with me after we have dinners with my family which is nice. We're used to doing dishes together when we're at home, so we tend to offer doing that at our parents.
My dad does cook, but only when it's bbq. That's more of his speciality rather than being in the kitchen so there's a lot of cooking from him in the summer time. My husband cooks when we're home together and it's because he wants to and that I haven't really mastered the works of cooking yet.
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Jules
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LizHobart
Reged: Aug 09 2007
Posts: 1
Loc: CA
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Good question! My family divies up chores so that everyone lends a hand. I think its important for both boys and girls to know that the kitchen is not only the place for women!
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Laura
AGA Blogger
Reged: Jun 23 2006
Posts: 51
Loc: Monterey, CA
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My family was always kind of traditonal about it. My grandmother, or later my stepmother would do almost all of the cooking and my father or grandfather would probably just cut the ham or turkey depending on what holiday it was.
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