self-discovery

I still remember when I finally bubbled over with anger, feminism, and activism. It came out in a blog post in December of the 8th grade, where I condemned the use of the word 'slut', among other things. My friends and acquaintances paid attention. It generated 26 comments and began my personal revolution.

As I began writing more blogs, all frankly expressing my opinion, Julie began to talk to me. She expressed that wide-eyed disbelief of a new feminist at how gender biased the world could be. She had converted, and this, more than anything, made my political agitating worthwhile. The idea that I had made a personal difference in someone's beliefs was incredible, and it was by Julie's persuasion that Feminisme was born.

Well, my life has been pretty busy. I haven’t had time to do much but sleep, eat, study and work. It’s completely boring, but I guess it’s the sacrifice I make to educate myself. I’ve noticed, though, I guess that I’ve always known, that I’m not the bubbly, easy going person that I usually try to play myself off as. I’m a depressing note of seriousness that I’m sure most people can’t handle. I can see that most would probably just look past me, not wanting to see and dwell on the truths of this world. It’s hard to smile when so much has happened and continues to happen.

I was watching “Donnie Darko” the other day. My favoriet quote is when Jena Malone’s character says “I guess some people are just born with tragedy in their blood.”

I used to despise the picture at the top of the All Girl Army pages. When I first saw it, I searched for a representation of myself, and became angry that none of the women portrayed reflected a piece of me. Nothing to recognize, I drifted away from AGA, distraught that once again, I was an outcast.

I used to think that I had no place in AGA, that I was worth less than the other feminists blogging at AGA because I am not educated in Feminist Theory or do not have the time that everyone else seems to have. I used to think that I was less of a feminist because I sometimes participate in gender-designated roles of this world (i.e., I do the laundry and my partner takes out the trash and picks up the dog poop.)

My feminist experience has been comfortable and enlightening for the most part; it's shown me a new sense of personal value and taught me the integrity of women as a group. I used to identify as a "humanist" and even went so far as to call myself an "anti-feminist" before I understood what the terms really meant.

I've grown out of the other side. I believed in the greater goodness of man-and-womankind but not in the specific goodness of womankind. I didn't value women who fight the right to choose, I didn't appreciate the opinions of educated women working in their homes, and I didn't comprehend the experience of women in cultures that practice female genital mutilation. To make a long story short (ha, too late), I didn't give women's decisions the full weight and consideration that they deserved. But, as Jeyoani's signature reminds us, "Scratch any woman deeply enough and you find a feminist." And this time, a real one.