sexuality

At Scarleteen I routinely hear from young women who are feeling insecure about their boyfriend's use of porn. For me, what stands out about these women is the pressure they feel to satisfy every one of their partners sexual needs. That pressure appears to be internal - their partners are described as quite comfortable with an independent sexuality, e.g. their use of porn and masturbation. I've always thought of these women as unnecessarily jealous, making a big deal out of something relatively minor. It's not like they were taking a feminist stand against porn -- they just didn't want their partners using it.

Recently, in health class, we watched the film, "What if I'm Gay?" Needless to say, I was thinking that there must be a better video than this. Later, when completing the worksheet that accompanies the video, they asked how it feels for students questioning their sexuality to be called dykes, fairies, or queers.

My first thought was: "They think those names are so gay!"

While this material had good intentions, it failed in its delivery to teens. We don't use the words dyke, or fairy. In fact, the only real place I've heard those words would be the media trying to portray teenagers. Today, the term "gay" in itself is an insult, and far more prevalent than stupid words like "fairy." In fact, all of our health videos are made in the 70's and 80's, and I recently found out why.

It’s a familiar story. Every couple weeks I find myself sitting in the living room of my apartment, with my three favorite girls in town, complaining about the men in our life as though we’re in an episode of Sex and The City. Sometimes we even turn on the dvd player and watch Sex and The City.

My friend E is getting married in May, to a guy she’s been dating for less than a year. I have no doubt that they love each other, but they are both depressive, he has been having other health problems and is in the middle of writing his dissertation. They are both trying to plan a wedding, but more importantly, fulfill their commitment to spend the rest of their lives together.

On New Year’s Eve I got all dressed up and went out for dinner and a dance with some friends at a nearby Jamaican club. My friends and I were the youngest people there and I attracted some attention in the strapless dress I was wearing, one that hugged my curves as I danced to the sweet reggae music the DJ was playing. It was a good night though, we danced and ate good food and counted down in that special New Year’s spirit where everyone forgets that they are strangers and truly wishes the person next to them happiness.

We left tired and happy, but unfortunately without my passport. I went back to the club to get it a few evenings later and the atmosphere was decidedly different.

“The type of fig leaf which each culture employs to cover its social taboos offers a twofold description of its morality. It reveals that certain unacknowledged behavior exists and it suggests the form that such behavior takes.” - Freda Adler

Yours truly apologizes for her absence, and offers up an explanation involving pain, sickness, jubilation, overdrafts, and tiny electrical impulses. But first!

The title of this entry is “taboo”, and it was thus chosen because in my fevered, nausea-hazed exploration of the should-I-laugh-or-cry Logo channel, I began to notice a pattern within the more mainstream-popular shows that they aired (such as Queer as Folk) and other media I had observed in the past. This pattern is simply: It is more taboo to show lesbian women *in a serious context* than it is to show gay men.

There are some things that you don't expect people of a certain gender to know. Yeah, I know, I should be more enlightened than that; but everyone pictures a girl when told about a cousin who just learned to knit or a friend who found an awesome recipe for sugar cookies.

Recently I learned to drive standard... manual... stick, straight, whatever you wanna call it. Personally I think it's awesome: I always want to drive, and I doubt I'll own an automatic car ever again. But it does have its thought-provoking side (oh, and you knew it would).

Now I don't know where the comparison comes in, but I'm guessing the assumption is that a girl who drives stick must also know how best to handle other... erm... appendages? Again I don't know. Seems to me, though, that a female learning a 'traditionally male' skill gains a couple of attractive points. Which, really, doesn't make sense to me; isn't there that fear of a woman with too many male traits? I thought that made her undesirable?

Today, for the first time in a few months, someone asked me, straight out, "Are you a lesbian?"

My gender identity falls under the slim category of "tomboy at a family function." I wear clothes I'm not necessarily comfortable in, that don't necessarily suit my personality, and that certainly don't suit my actions. What kind of girl wears a frilly pastel dress to jump fences and go jogging? Me, that's who.

Normally, I'm tickled pink when my sexuality is called into question-- on the queer side-- but today I got to thinking why it hasn't happened so recently. Is it because I'm passing? And what does my passing say to other queers and especially lesbians about gay sexuality?

With the oversexed social atmosphere that America's, and really the world's, young people are thrust into, it's hard to find one's own happy middle ground, a place where comfort and readiness balance out the dismembered women (and increasingly men too) trying to sell us perfume and alcohol among other things. Is it any surprise that public displays of affection are so varied and audacious when "former feminist" Nelly Furtado's latest hit focuses the promiscuity of herself and the guy she's attracted?

PDA, in the general usage, is something above and beyond public decency, which makes it a very subjective matter. While some may find mouth kissing too much, others may be more offended by putting a hand in a significant other's pocket. And what happens when the PDA is committed by those in a same-sex couple? Do the rules change? And if they do, I hope there's a good reason--scratch that, I hope the speaker has a legitimate excuse; and no, "I don't wanna see no f*****s kissin'" does not qualify.